I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
