Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
mondays should just be called national damage control day
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
