day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
