Sponge bath it is.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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