Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I queefed so loud it echoed.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
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