Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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