All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Randomize
