you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
