for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
