You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
