Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
