Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
