i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
