I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
