How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
