Please, let me fuck your mom
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
