LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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