I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
