your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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