you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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