Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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