Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
