i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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