Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
