the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
