Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
