Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
