i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
