im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
