I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
one two three fourrrrnication!
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
