I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
My life is pants optional.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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