i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
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