Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
