maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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