His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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