just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
