she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
