Three words: puerto rican gang bang
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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