i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
