Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize