My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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