white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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