Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
