the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
