Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
