these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
