I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
So many bounce houses so little time
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
