Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
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