thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Houston, we have a squirter
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
