He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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