Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize
