Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
