while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
