Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
