well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
