He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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