And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
