Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
