Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
