My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
