Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
