that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
