Jerry, you need to find god
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
