fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
