I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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