i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
