hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize