Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
