Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
