Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
