At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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