I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
